Archive for the ‘Human Resources’ Category

During the current economic climate it is often necessary to relieve employees of their employment. While often a delicate process the removal of employees from your service should not just happen as necessity dictates. The laying off of your workers can also be used as a motivational and disciplinary tool.

The techniques we divulge below can be used in any location in the United States; they are, however, most useful in “at will” states. If you happen to be in a state that does not employ “at will”, make sure you have good lawyers standing by. Lucky enough to be in an “at will” state? The good news is you can let anyone go at any time for no reason whatsoever! And you should, too.

We cannot stress enough that employees are so similar to herd beasts that the two are nearly indistinguishable. They flock together, cannot think for themselves and need to be guided every step of the way. With herd animals you can use the practice of culling to remove the weaker animals, thus strengthening the herd. You play the part of nature in an effort to improve the species and heighten the value of your stock. It is typically frowned upon to kill those employed by you but there are other ways to strengthen your “herd”.

The only acceptable version of culling in the workplace is laying off employees. A company should never wait until business turns sour before laying off its workers. The art of the layoff can be use to great effect in keeping the “herd” in line.

During the difficult times a company will often be forced to remove the lowest class of its workers in a misguided attempt at keeping itself strong. The misconception is that by retaining only the apparently useful workers your department or company will remain strong. As with most misconceptions, thinking in this fashion is incorrect. Departments and companies can remain strong during the good times and the bad by firing employees indiscriminately and seemingly at random.

All employees are expected to work the requisite number of hours each week. In reality we all know this just doesn’t happen. Any given individual will typically perform anywhere between 10 and 20 hours of actual work in a given week. These numbers can be boosted significantly by implementing the random firing.

Here’s how it works:

Choose an employee that is well-liked by his or her peers who is also known to be a fairly good worker. Fire that employee. The results will be evident immediately and they will be dramatic. The key to these effective results is to avoid disclosing exactly why the person was let go. This lack of actual information is instrumental in the rest of the herd imagining the reasons for the termination. They will dream up any and every possible reason and apply it to their own work ethic. The result: all of the remaining employees will work harder to ensure they do not fall prey to the same imagined circumstances.

It is in this way that you can keep your “herd” properly motivated.  Encourage turnover and a proper mix of individuals by occasionally hiring “fresh meat” solely for the purpose of firing an existing employee at a later date.  Another principle we cannot stress enough:  always keep them guessing.

Culling your herd in this fashion will ensure you have the strongest blend of workers to provide you with the greatest results.  After a few seemingly random firings the productivity of your personnel will increase in an astonishing manner.  Always remember the visual representation of the Isometric Principles of Business:  two hands pushing against each other.  You, as manaagement, are one hand and your employees are the other.  Neither should have the advantage.  As you strengthen your workforce through culling your position as manager will likewise become stronger.


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